"Hold the bus!" Delilah yelled as she was running up from the train station. As she walked on the bus she found a seat next to an old woman who looked nice and innocent, Delilah was usually stuck sitting next to some perverted man or sloppy kid so today she was in luck. Delilah was about two miles away from her house when she realized that she really had to use the bathroom. She had had to pee all day but she hated using the bathroom in public. This was an emergency, Delilah pulled the string to request for the bus to stop and skittered off of the bus, with her knee caps practically glued together. She used the restroom at McDonald's and due to their costumer's only policy she was forced to buy a Strawberry Banana Smoothy. Instead of waiting for another bus to come, Delilah thought she would get on at another stop that was less congested since all of the Kenwood High School students got on outside of the McDonald's.
Since Delilah had never actually walked from the bus stops, she got a little lost. She walked through about two blocks of apartment buildings that all looked the same and she finally got to rest at a small play ground on the corner of the street. Delilah suddenly became very familiar with her surroundings, and remembered her mom taking her to this park many times before. She ran to the swings as if she were four years old again and she started to swing. Swinging higher and higher with every kick, as she reached a point where she couldn't feel herself going any higher, she closed her eyes and let go. Delilah went flying through the air and forgot to catch her fall. Delilah hit the ground hard and started to cry, it wasn't the physical pain that got to her, it was an emotional pain that caused the tears to run down her face.
Delilah immediately got up, went to the bus stop, and went home. That was the last time in a long time Delilah had chosen to be alone.
Delilah Mackenzie spent most of her time with her friends or her parents and she was almost never alone. Whenever she was alone, she was either texting someone or talking to them on the phone. One day after school, Delilah got on the bus to go home, she had stayed at school a little late and all of her friends had left for home already. She was not looking forward to going home at all since she had left her iPod at home earlier and had been upset with her friends for leaving her, so she decided not to text them. Delilah had to constantly be around someone or something to keep her mind off of what was always bothering her. She was actually terrified of having nothing to occupy her thoughts as she headed home.
ReplyDelete"Hold the bus!" Delilah yelled as she was running up from the train station. As she walked on the bus she found a seat next to an old woman who looked nice and innocent, Delilah was usually stuck sitting next to some perverted man or sloppy kid so today she was in luck. Delilah was about two miles away from her house when she realized that she really had to use the bathroom. She had had to pee all day but she hated using the bathroom in public. This was an emergency, Delilah pulled the string to request for the bus to stop and skittered off of the bus, with her knee caps practically glued together. She used the restroom at McDonald's and due to their costumer's only policy she was forced to buy a Strawberry Banana Smoothy. Instead of waiting for another bus to come, Delilah thought she would get on at another stop that was less congested since all of the Kenwood High School students got on outside of the McDonald's.
Since Delilah had never actually walked from the bus stops, she got a little lost. She walked through about two blocks of apartment buildings that all looked the same and she finally got to rest at a small play ground on the corner of the street. Delilah suddenly became very familiar with her surroundings, and remembered her mom taking her to this park many times before. She ran to the swings as if she were four years old again and started to swing. Swinging higher and higher with every kick, when she reached a point where she couldn't feel herself going any higher, she closed her eyes and let go. Delilah went flying through the air and forgot to catch her fall. Delilah hit the ground hard and started to cry, it wasn't the physical pain that got to her, it was an emotional pain that caused the tears to run down her face.
Delilah immediately got up, went to the bus stop, and went home. That was the last time in a long time (years?, for a while?) Delilah had chosen to be alone.
all of our stories just have stuff happen with out that much of a plot.
ReplyDeletegreat story, it is very realistic, which i think creates a better story. However, i do think that you can expand on the emotional state of Delilah, before she cries, because her emotional state is very important, if it makes her cry
ReplyDeleteYou need to eliminate some run on sentences, the information about peeing contributes nothing to the story, it seems like pointless information, why does Deliah cry emotional tears, you need to explain this.
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